Here we go again

So, here we go again. Its been over a year since that life changing event occurred. I thought I was all better. The pills that the Dr prescribed did what they were supposed to do. Yay! I was cured! Or so  I thought....

I had started a new job which is much farther from the dr's office. I was afraid to ask for time off to go see the dr. I didnt want to start off on the wrong foot, u know. I remembered being told once that some people are able to stop taking their antidepressants after just a few months. So, I cut my dose in half. About a month later I completely stopped taking my Wellbutrin. I still felt fine so I thought I did the right thing. Wrong!! 2 months later I had another breakdown. It happened so suddenly. I'm still shocked. My husband and I had a couple of disagreements. That by itself should have warned me because we never fight. Anyhow. After the 3rd one I decided that my husband didnt love me anymore. After dinner that night I took the rest of my Wellbutrin- about 25 pills.

I wrote him a good-bye note and went to go to sleep next to him. He must've thought that I was acting strange because he asked me if I took any pills. I've never been able to lie so I told him yes. He told me to get dressed and we drove to the hospital. A different one this time. I felt fine. I thought it was so silly to be going to the hospital. I remember that I found everything to be funny. They let us right in. We sat with the nurse who asked us all the preliminary questions and thats where my memories end. I woke up 2 days later in the ICU.

When I first woke up I could barely talk. I could think like normal of all the things I wanted to say but my words all came out in slow motion. Luckily, that only lasted a day or two. My speaking is back to normal now. Another problem was that I could not walk. I could not even get out of bed. That took a little over a week but I was able to use my legs again. Ofcourse, my legs still hurt a lot and I'm still kinda wobbly. But I'm a lot better than I was. A third problem was that I developed pneumonia .  That was pretty bad. The cough is mostly gone now.

I was in the hospital for 8 days. After that I was sent to a psych facility. I was there for 2 days. I got home yesterday. I'm not quite sure how I feel yet. My legs are killing me. That is starting to worry me. Part of me wants to tell my hubby to hide all the pills because I cant promise that I wont ever do this again. Another part wants to reassure him that everythings better now. But is it???